Joke SMS

1. What Men WANT:
A woman who can cook
A woman who earns good money
A woman who loves him &
A system to make sure that those 3 Women never meet each other!!

2. Sardar goes to temple evryday n prays "Hey Bhagwan aaj meri lottery nikal de"
 He does this for months. At last God spoke "Abey Gadhe, kabhi ticket to kharid!

3. Y do women spend so much time improving their looks and not their minds?
It's coz men r stupid.......not blind.......

4. If some1 u love hurts u. Set him free. If he comes back 2 u, shoot da Bastard!!! N if
he does not comes back 2 u... hunt him down n then shoot da BASTARD!!!!!

5. 2006 CALENDER: Jan mein ROSE, Feb PROPOSE, March GIFT, April LIFT,
 May CHATTING, June DATING, July MISS U, Aug KISS U, Sep ANGER,
 Oct DANGER, Nov LEFT, Dec NEXT!!!

6. Har Karz dosti ka ada kon karega, Jab hum na rahe to dosti kon karega,
 ae khuda mere dosto ko salamat rakhna, Warna meri shaadi mein dance kon karega?

7. Hey "DUSHT PRANI" apne paap mitane ke liye or apni galtiya sudharne ke liye
 51 baar is maha mantra ka roj jaap kar "East or West .. SAWAN is d BEST/"

8. Safar lamba hai, dost banate rahaiye. Dil mile na mile, haath badate rahiye.
 Taj na banaiye bahut costly padega, Har taraf Mumtaj banate rahiye.

9. Press down
again
again..please
once more
sorry again
6 times more
|
|
|
|
|
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oh! Again
1 more
Aur koi kaam dhanda nahi hai kya...

10. A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar werry gudd lukeeng aar werry baddd
 att spallings........Vatt iz yorr opeeneun?????

11. Q: What is another difference between a Mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.

12. She is d kind of girl dat boys look at twice ???
They can not believe it d 1st time.

13. YOUNG guy prayer 2 GOD: "RADHE RADHE- Kudi fasade HARE MURARI hove kunvari.
 JAI HANUMAN DI hove sade haan di. JAI KALI hove paisa wali.

    14. Can I stay at ur home for a few days until things calm down?
    Sender
    SADDAM HUSSAIN
    +448329673244
    Just kidding. Its me
    Sender:
    Osama
    +02227878787
    Sender:
    Sawan
    +919886748045

15. How a Sardar will kill Lion? He will drink the Poison and let Lion eat him. Bolo TA RA RA RA

16. Marriage is like going to a restaurant... You order your choice from the menu,
 and then look at the neighboring table and wish you'd ordered that....

    17. BRUCE LEE's Favorites
    Vegetables:MU-LEE
    Breakfast:ID-LEE
    Festival:DIWA-LEE
    Actress:SONA-LEE
    Music:QAWA-LEE
    Film:COO-LEE
    Animal:BILL-LEE
    Timepass:KHUJLEE

18. Maryada purshotam Bhagvan Shri Ram ko LANKA pe attack karne hetu 500 BANDER chahiye,
 499 pahuch gaye. SMS Milte he niklo. JAI SRIRAM

19.  **FREE STAY**
    **FREE LUNCH**
    FREE BREAKFAST
    * FREE DINNER *
    FREE SECURITY
   TO AVAIL THIS PACKAGE PLEASE DIAL 100 and say "du kya kaan ke neeche"

20. When i was sad u were there, when i was heartbroken u were there, ven i was lonely u were der,
 ven my life was amiss u were der, By GOD BADE MANHOOS ho tum.

21. Lohe ko loha kaatta hai, sone ko sona kaatta hai, zahar ko zahar kaatta hai,
 isliye terako kutta katega...

22. Apke sar pe seeng hai kya?
    dekho to
    phir se dekh to
    Nahi hai ? ..
    sachmuch nahi hai?
    koi baat nahi GADHE ke bhi nahi hote..

23. TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,RASGULLE ki pl8 ho, PEPSI ka cr8 ho, ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho, JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho, KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!

24. Apko kya pata hum aapko kitne yaad karte hian..har pal tumhari fariyad karte hain..
 roj khat likhte hian cartoon network ko..aapko dikhane ki mang karte hain..

25. Ghandhi ji bhi nahin rahe, Nehru ji bhi chale gaye, Subhash ji bhi gujar gaye,
 MERI BHI TABIYAT KUCH THIK NAHI REHTI... Is desh ka kya hoga ???

26. Agar duniya me kucch kar ke dikhana hai to sun meri baat;
 Haathi ke upar shirshasan kar aur photu khinchva.
 Ab, us photo ko ulta latka aur duniya ko dikha.

27. Hasti thi hasaati thi, Baalon ko lehrati thi, kuch soch kar sharmati thi,
 phir kuch soch ke muskurati thi....AAJ PATA CHALA - SALI PAGAL THI !!! .....

28. Chand pe Kaali Ghata Chai to hogi, Sitaron ko bhi Muskurahat Aaee to hogi,
 Tum Lakh Chupao Dunia se, magar Akele me tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aaee to hogi...

29. A fat girl is waiting for bus. How wud u call her in one word? MOTIVATING!!!

30. Jindagi behal hai, sur hai na taal hai, vicharo ki kya hadtaal hai, SMS box kangal hai,
 ek sms bhej de, meri mobile ki jindagi ka sawal hai.

31. Q. What is the meaning of "a b c d e f g"? A. A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl.

32. When u were a child, u played with toys, now u r a lady u play with boys.

     33. Exam are like a G'Friend
           a. Too many ques.
           b. Difficult to understand
           c. More explanation is needed
           d. Result always 'fail'.

34. Aaj-didar, Kal-yaar, Parso-pyar, phir-ikrar, phir-intzar, phir-takrar, phir-darar,
 saari mehnat- bekar aur aakhir mein- EK AUR DEVDAS.

35. Kya ankhen hai, Kya baate hai, Kya chehra tumne paya hai..Aisa lagta hai jaise....
 Jaise...Jaise Peepal ke ped se BHOOT utar ke aaya hai.

36. Din ko Chain Nahi, Raat Ko Aaram Nahi, Ji Na Lage Kahi, E Khuda Kya Yehi Pyar Hai?
 STUPID Ye Pyar Nahi Summer Ki Garmi Hai, Ja Jake naha le.

37. Jab tum aine ke paas jate ho to aina kehta hai beautiful beautiful"
 aur jab tum aine se dur jate ho to aina kahata hai " aprilfool, aprilfool "

38. Apun dono mein; SMART Kaun? GOOD LOOKING Kaun? CHARMING Kaun?
 DASHING Kaun? FAMOUS Kaun? Woh tum tou nahi ho phir bacha kaun?
APUN. HAPPY FOOLS DAY.

39. what is a similarity b/w mobile & marrige "kash thode din ruk jaata to achha model mil jaata..!

40. All flowers dont represent love but rose did it. All animals cannot speak but parrot did it.
 all donkeys cannot read but u did it!

41. Love easy 2 say, difficult 2 feel, difficult 2 deal, difficulty is a part of life,
 thats y girlfriend is never be a wife.

42. Bahut door rehkar bhi dil ke paas lagte ho, nazaron se door rahkar bhi khas lagte ho,
 doosron ke diye SMS bhejte ho aur khud ko bahut SMART samajhte ho?

     43. SINCERE
           APOLOGY
           If u donr
           like
           my msggs..
           And my
           forwards..
           And dont
           like 2
           reply or
           msg me..
           Feel free
           to..
           Throw ur
           mobile !!!!!

     44. Jaat riding a cycle, hits a Girl.
           Girl:Ghanti nahin mari jaati kya?
           Jaat: Re bawli ?!! Poori cycle maar di, aab ghanti
           alag se maaru ke ?

    45. Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
         yu aansoo na bahana,
         meri earthi ko sahara na dena,
         Agar meri yaad aaye to,
         sidhe upar chale aana.
         DONO AISH KARENGE

46. Suraj Hua Madham , chand bhi chalne laga, mein thehra raha, zamin chalne lagi,
 sajna kya yehi pyaar hai ?? Nalayak, yeh pyar nahi EARTHQUAKE hai ! BHAAG

47. In a pond there r 10 fishes, one dies, and the water level increases-how? how?
 abe kuck to soch The other 9 fishes r crying.

48. Mayawati came 2 lalu's home with a Goat. Lalu ask:is bhes ko mere Ghar kyo layi?
 Maya:dikhta nahi, bakri hai! Lalu: Hum bakri se puch raha hun!

49. Tumko dekha to ye khayal aaya, tumko dekha to ye khayal aaya
 pagalo ke stock mein naya MAAL aaya ... Ha.. Ha..

50. Defination of a lecturer:- A person who has bad habit of talking while someone is sleeping.

51. Sharab bani to mehkhane bane, husn bana to diwane bane; kuch to baat hai aapme,
 yun hi nahi pagal khane bane.

     52. WHAT will u call Train full of good lukin girls ??..
           guess..
           *
           *
           Yaar, it's very Simple...
           ___MaalGaadi___

53. SARDAR invested 2 lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss. Do u know what was the business?
..He opened a saloon in Punjab.

54. Kaunsi devi ka kaunsa prasad India main famus hai? : RAABDI DEVI ka LALU PRASHAD

     55. Only
          Once
          In Your
          LIFE
          You
          Will
          Get a
          RIGHT PERSON
          With whom
          You will
          Get MARRIED.
          ... So till then...
          Keep enjoying with the...
          ...WRONG ONES....

56. The NHS regrets to inform you that your birth was an accident. Please report to your nearest
 hospital to be put down. We apologize for any inconvenience.

57. Habit never goes, bcoz if u remov H, A-BIT remain, if u remov A, BIT remain & if u remov B,
 IT Still remain. So my habit of remembering u will never change....

58. I wanted 2 kill the SWEETEST SMARTEST & the most beautiful person on the earth,
 but then i thought..... SUICIDE is a CRIME..!

     59. "Sms ka Sangrah karke kya payega vats... ?
    Balance ka moh chhod aur Sms kar...
    Mitro se sampark banaye rakhne me he Swarg ki prapti hai..."
    -Swami Messagenand

    60. Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
   Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
   Unho ne phool phenka..gamla bhi saath tha

61. Banta and Santa fed up of mobile, decide to use pigeon. 1 day pigeon reach Banta without msg
. Angry Banta calls Santa! Santa says-Dhakan dis was a missed call.

62. Gita Saar: SMS kar or bhulja, reply ki apeksha mat kar. Kiya gaya SMS vyarth nahi jata.
 sabko apne kiye ki Report milti hai. Ise sewa samajh aur forward kar.

     63. Long time ago
    only idiots used
    to read my sms.
    And today,
    the History
    continues.........

64. Arz kiya hai: I am a dog and u r a flower, gaur farmaiega I am a dog and u r a flower
 so let me lift my leg n give u a shower. Wah-Wah

65. "Log kehte hain ki ladkiyan zindagi hoti hain maut nahi, magar woh log yeh kyon bhool jaate hain
 ki dhoka bhi zindagi hi deti hai maut nahi."

66. Unki gali ke chakar kathay kathay, kutte tumare yaar ho gaye,
 wo to tumhare ho na sake, TUM KUTTO KE SARDAR HO GAYE.

    67. u
    r
    someone i
    don't
    want
    to
    loose..
    u
    r
    someone
    i
    won't
    forget..
    u
    r
    someone
    who
    is
    special
    to
    me..
    and
    u
    r
    Ummm..
    WHAT'S UR
    NAME...

68. A baniya on his death bed: my wife r u here? Yes my husband. My son, my daughter r u here?
 Yes papa - Abey Kambakhton phir Dukan pe kaun hai...

69. Agar aapke ghar ke paas ek ladki ho, vo khubsurat ho, aapko pasand karti ho,
 aapko ishare karke bulati ho, to mat jaana kyunki uske liye 'MAIN HOON NA'

     70. If UR World is spinning ROUND n ROUND and .....
    UR heart is beating FAST,
    Do U think its LOVE?
    Na Munna Na it's called HIGH BP

71. Shahjahan ne Taj Mahal ki har deewar ko dekha, har meenar ko dekha,
 har kaleen ko dekha, har dar aur kdhidki ko dekha aur bola... Maa kasam 'Bahut kharcha hogaya'

     72. Smart Male + Smart Nari =  AFFAIR JARI
    Bevkoof Male + Smart Nari =  JEB JHALI
    Smart Male + Bevkoof Nari =  PAAV BHARI
    Bevkoof Male + Bevoof Nari =  SHAADI

73. IF U FORGET ME THEN
   1
   2
   3
   4
   5
   6
   7
   8
   9
   10
   11
   12
   13
   14
   15
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   20
   21
   22
   23
   24
   25
   26
   27
   28
   29
   30
   31
   32.....
   I'll break all 32 teeth of yours...

74. Hitlar bhi chala gaya, saddam bhi pakada gaya, laden ka bhi pata nahi,
 teri bhi tabiyat thik nahi reheti, lagata hai dharti par SATYUG aane wala hai...

75. Ek Family SHOLAY Dekh KE Aayi Aur Pati Patni Se Romantically Bola "Nach Basanti Nach."
 Child added: "Mummy! is kutte Ke Samne Mat Nachna.".

76. An Indian surgeon tells a patient: The operation will cost twenty thousand,
 but we can save a little by not sharpening the knife.

77. "Hello is that the hospital? My wifes in labour."
    Hosp: Is this her first baby?
    "No this is her husband."

78. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? None.
 They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.

79. The Human Brain is most Outstanding Thing...It functions 24 hrs 365 days...
 It functions right from the Time u r Born... Until you fall in love.

80. Srdr: I haven't slept all nite in the train.
    Frnd: Y?
    Srdr: Got upper bberth.
    Frnd: U didn't u Xchanged?
    Srdr: Oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth...

81. Jack N Jill in Laloo Style:- Jackwa aur jilwa gayil uphar d hill, paniya bharil ke vaste,
 jackwa gir gail, uka khopdi fut gayil, aur jilwa aawat ludkan pure raaste!

82. Judge:Is Sardar ke dono kan kat do.
    Sardar: Nahi mai andha ho jaunga.
    Judge: Bewkoof kan katne se andha kaise hoga?
    Sardar: Phir mai chashma kaise pehnonga.

83. Beta 2 sardar: Papa aaj main bus ke piche daud ke ghar aaya, jisse maine 3Rs bachaye.
 Sardar: Oye kar dina sadaro waligal, auto ke piche aata to 30Rs bachte.

84. A4 apple, B4 bada apple, C4 chota apple, D4 dusra apple, E4 ek aur apple, F4 fokat ka apple,
 G4 gol apple, H4 ho gaya na pet kharab khake itne apple!

85. Sardar found answer to most difficult question question ever -
    What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?
    O yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, vo ayega !!!

86. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE? Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......
 Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai

87. Sardar gave a lotus to Priyanka Gandhi to impress her. In return, she slapped him.
 He asked, why? She said: U gave me BJP symbol, so I gave u congress symbol.

88. Lady 2 Inspector Lady: Ji mera pati 5 din phle gobi lene gaya tha abitak vapis nai aaya!
 Inspector(Sardar) replied: To fir or koi sabji bana lo!

89. Boy 2 his friend: I kept sending a love letter everyday for 3 years! Friend;
 Then what happened? Boy : She married the postman!

90. Why is the male intelligence worth more than the female? It is rare.

91. The world's thinnest book has only 1 word written in it: "NOTHING" &
 the book is titled "WHAT DO MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN".

91. Do u know FULL FORM of "DAIRYMILK" ? "Darling Always I Remember You,
 Meet Immediately 4 a Long Kiss." That's why GIRLS ask 4 DAIRYMILK

93. Hurry Up... STOP Them. A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab today.
 Local sardars hav so far found 280 bodies & r still digging.

94. SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS SMS
 SMS SMS SMS Dekha, kitne dher sare SMSes bheje.... Kuch sikho mujse !

95. Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply Reply
 dekha kitne sare reply diye.

96. Between grand theft & a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.

97. When Words fail...Eyes work,
When Eyes fail.... Heart works,
but When Heart fails....
To Kya ? ?
Samajh Le Tapak gaya MAAMU.....!

98. Sardar sote waqt 2 glass rakhte hain. Ek main paani aur
 ek Khaali. Why.
socho
|
|
socho
|
|
aur socho
|
kyunki pyas lag bhi sakti hai aur nahi bhi.. (..)

99. Doctor to Saradar: Aapka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai ?
 Sardar: Hoga jaroor hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai......

100. Ek aadmi Sadhu se bola, meri G'Friend bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
 Sadhu bola, mere paas upay hota to mai sadhu kyun banta ?

101. Somebody asked Sardarji "Akal badi ki bhains ?" Sardarji thodi der sochne ke baad
 "Pehle dono ki Date o Birth bata.

102. Like energy love can neither be created nor destroyed...
 It can just be transferred from one girlfriend 2 another !

103. How do u recognize a sardar in school?
 They r the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.
Bolo Tararara !!

104. Ek ladki thi diwani C.
Mobile lekar ghoomti thi.
Sharma ke ghabra ke woh kuch karti rahti thi.
Jab bhi milti thi mujhse, hamesha puchti thi,
yeh ON kaise hota hai.

105. Foreigner Santa to Indian Banta: Hamare yahan to shaadi
 E-Mail se hoti hai.
Banta replies: Par hamare yahan to Female se hoti hai.

106. Biwi ka antim sanskar karke ek admi ghar ja raha tha
ki bijli chamki, baadal garje, jor se baarish hui.
Admi bola: Lagta hai pahunch gayi.

107. Girlfreind is beauty n wife is duty,
    GF is springroll n wife is dabbagol,
    GF is chuski n wife is risky,
    GF is tootyfrooty n wife is kismat footy.

108. Machhar song - Bhige hoth tere, pyaasa Dank mera.
 Lage Amrit sa mujhe khun tera.
Kabhi mere saath koi raat gujar.
Tujhe subah tak suja du yaar. o-o-o.